In-Laws week 13


          I remember visiting a sister in an assisted living place many years ago.  She was not wheel chair bound nor did she have Alzheimer’s or any of the ailments commonly seen in older people.  As I visited with her, I asked about her family and if they came to visit.  I knew the family as she had many children and they lived in our stake so they were close by.  This sister told me that they rarely came to visit and never accompanied her on a walk or took her shopping.  I came home thinking that that was just terrible.  I told my husband I never wanted that to happen to my parents or his.  I knew that our small house would not accommodate extra people so we worked hard to build a larger house so we would always have room for our parents to come live with us if needed and to not be forced into a place they did not want to live and especially to always be alone. 
          A few years after we moved into our new home my mother-in-law fell and her husband just struggled to take care of her and her needs.  They were shocked when we told them they could come live with us.  They sold their house and packed up within the week and my husband went to Idaho to pick them up.  My mother-in-law was very undemanding.  She just wanted to eat dinner early so she could go to bed early.  That was the only part of life we had to change was to have dinner promptly at 5 PM.  She had a hard time getting places but we would help her and her wheelchair get to church and we would give my father-in-law breaks so he could do whatever he needed to do on his own.  It was hard for my kids in this situation as they remembered grandma as one who made cookies and always had ice cream and candy for them when we would go visit.  She died about three months after living in our home.  My father-in-law has now been with us for eight years.  I have tried to convince him to learn how to use the computer as all of his siblings communicate via email and Facebook but he is afraid he will break the computer.  My children always call him on the phone for his birthday and make sure they give him Christmas gifts and include him in their conversations even when sometimes he can’t hear as well.  He loves to walk so when the grand kids come to visit, we all take a walk with great grandpa.  My father-in-law needs to feel wanted and he loves to exercise so he loves to mow our lawn.  He does really well even though he is 82 now. 
          My children have learned that it is important to have the extended family ties and that they aren’t something to be dreaded as all of the in-law horror stories tell.  My father-in-law even created a new family tradition for our Christmas holidays that they each look forward to each year.  He has been incorporated into our family and it is just as if he has been with us forever.

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