Decisions are Hard! Week 12

Making decisions is hard.  Making decisions for multiple people is even harder.  Making decisions for multiple people all by your self is the hardest of all.  For this reason councils were created.  Just as all church leadership has council meetings for their organization the most important organization should have council meetings as well.  The family!
Children often have issues that parents need to decide upon and these same kids will sometimes even pit parents against each other.  When we were growing up and we asked one of our parents if we could do or have a specific thing, they would always say, “What did your mom (dad) say?  My parents wanted to support what the other one had already said rather than to disagree with it and often times if the child is asking a second parent it usually meant the first one had said no.  If we answered that we hadn’t asked the other parent yet, then depending upon the request would depend upon if this parent would give permission or not.  Sometimes they would also ask, “What would your mom (dad) say if you asked them?”  For instance, if we knew we were supposed to clean our room before going outside to play but we didn’t want to so we would ask dad if we could go outside and play.  It seems pretty harmless but my dad would wisely ask, “What would mom say if you asked her?”  Being dumb little honest kids, we would answer, “She would tell us we have to clean our rooms first.”  My dad would tell us we have our answer now.  Some situations are important enough or big enough that my parents would inform us that they would need to talk to the other one prior to making a decision.  They would have “an executive session” of the family council which meant it wasn’t family council with all of the siblings but it was a meeting for the parents and perhaps the one making the request.
Carlfred Broderick wrote in his book One Heart, One Flesh was quoted by Richard Miller saying, “In the stake, when a decision is to be made, you will seek the opinion of your counselors and other concerned individuals. Then you will prayerfully reach a decision on the matter, and they will all rally around and support you because you are the president and you have the mantle of authority. In your family when there is a decision to be made that affects everyone, you and your wife together will seek whatever counsel you might need and together you will prayerfully come to a unified decision.”
The same process that presidencies follow in making decisions is the same process that couples should use.  Elder Ballard gives some suggestions as to how councils should be done.  Each council should be “carried out under the influence of the Spirit.” (47)  Generally there is an agenda, but a couple may not need that exactly but perhaps a list of issues or concerns or decisions can be created so something important doesn’t get forgotten.  It is extremely important that both have the opportunity to speak their point of view without the other interrupting but instead listening intently.  They need to be “sensitive to one another’s thoughts.”   
Richard B. Miller.  Who is the Boss?  Power Relationships In Families, Brigham Young University, Continuing Education, Provo, Utah.  2008.
  1. Russell Ballard. Counseling With Our Councils, 1997.

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