Dreams Week 9

In John Gottman's book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work he talks about the gridlock couples might have about a perpetual problem.  He gives eight signs that a couple may examine to see if their problems are gridlocked or if they are coping with them well.  After he concludes his list Gottman then says, "The key will be to uncover and share with each other the significant personal dreams you have for your life.  I have found that unrequited dreams are at the core of every gridlocked conflict.  In other words, the endless argument symbolizes some profound difference between the two of you that needs to be addressed before you can put the problem in its place." (141)
I started out then thinking about how all young girls dream of getting married to Prince Charming and living happily ever after and girls gush on about becoming a wife and mother.  I started to wonder about what young men dream about and found out that at least the ones that I live with just want to grow up and be happy and have a happy life.  They aren't looking for a fairy Godmother to help them with a wife.  They just want to be happy.  How simple is that?  So then the question is "Am I fulfilling this dream for my husband and helping him to be happy?"
Whenever a young man has asked for one of our daughter's hand in marriage my husband always asks them if they plan on treating our daughter like the princess she is.  Each young man has stated they would.  I would guess many father's ask their future son-in-laws this question.  But do we ask the young women who are marrying our son's if they plan on making our son's happy.  I don't think so.  
I know this class is helping me to fulfill my husband's dream.  He loves to go on dates and I like to stay home.  He likes to spend a little money and I prefer to spend none.  He is a kind and generous man and I am a grouch.  But this class and the books we have been reading and the blog posts people are sharing has really helped me to pause and think.  "Am I being Cinderella for my Prince Charming?"
By using some of the skills that John Gottman has written in his book and the questions and quizzes he has presented I am striving to better fulfill my husband's unrequited dreams.  I am learning better communication skills, especially better listening skills.  I am learning to be more patient.  I am learning it is okay to not be right.  I am learning to compromise.  All these and more will help me to fulfill my husband's dream.  
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. New York: Harmony Books.  Page 141.

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