Replay - week 8


In the book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage the author Goddard quotes Kent Brooks who condemns not only the way we use weapons of war against each other, but that we also keep studying and magnifying each other's offences. "To bury our weapons of war yet continue to rebroadcast a 'widescreen' version of old battles and old wounds, complete with 'instant replay,' 'slow-motion,' and our own exaggerated form of 'special effects,' undermines the process of healing and the prospects for growth- for both spouses."

How often do we come away from a disagreement with our spouse and run the scenario repeatedly in our mind thinking to ourselves, “I should have said …”  or “If I say…he will know how angry I am.” We relive this “fight” repeatedly until we have a hard time feeling repentant for the argument in the first place or for having hurt our spouse’s feelings.  By focusing on this reenactment and improving upon it in our minds we are not focusing on the repentance and forgiveness aspect and then moving on and improving upon our love and the relationship we have with our spouse. 

The Bible dictionary defines repentance as “denotes a change of mind, i.e. a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world…turning the heart and will to God.” Goddard shares that we can use repentance to make our marriages stronger with the first
step being humility. How attractive it is to have a spouse come on bended knee begging to be forgiven and with the desire to do better and wanting to continue to work on their love as a couple. 

I know that after my husband and I may have had a disagreement and when we kneel down to pray before bed it is very humbling to hear my husband plead with the Lord to help him become a better husband for me.  He asks forgiveness and for our eternal love to continue.  He tells Heavenly Father that he is truly blessed to have me for his wife and hopes to stay worthy of me.  Whether I began listening to the prayer feeling some anger or whether I had calmed down, I always have tears rolling down my cheeks as I realize that no matter what the cause of the disagreement or who started it or whatever, my husband loves me and is willing to take on the blame for the whole thing.  (And he is the nice guy, I am the grouch.)

As I think of my husband praying, I am reminded of what Goddard wrote in his book, “
When we humbly turn our minds, our lives, and our purposes over to God, He will refine us. We begin to see with new eyes. We feel with new warmth and goodness. We gladly give our time and energy to bless those around us-especially those with whom we have made covenants.”

My husband is nearly always the first to look to forgiveness and repentance. He remembers the covenants we have made.  He is willing to humble himself before me and before the Lord and start each day anew.

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