Love is Eternal

Making decisions is hard.  Making decisions for multiple people is even harder.  Making decisions for multiple people all by your self is the hardest of all.  For this reason councils were created.  Just as all church leadership has council meetings for their organization the most important organization should have council meetings as well.  The family! Children often have issues that parents need to decide upon and these same kids will sometimes even pit parents against each other.  When we were growing up and we asked one of our parents if we could do or have a specific thing, they would always say, “What did your mom (dad) say?  My parents wanted to support what the other one had already said rather than to disagree with it and often times if the child is asking a second parent it usually meant the first one had said no.  If we answered that we hadn’t asked the other parent yet, then depending upon the request would depend upon if this paren...

Quite a few years back I was invited to a Mother Daughter Young Women’s activity.   One of the games they played was to have the daughters in one room answering questions about me while I was in another room answering the same questions.   Obviously, the goal was to see if their answers would match mine.   One of the questions was “Who is your mom’s favorite actor?”   My two daughters struggled with this question and couldn’t figure out what my answer could possibly be.   The other girls had no problem coming up with answers for their mom’s as they quoted their mom’s saying things like: “so-and-so has a cute bottom,” “so-and-so has really nice abs,” “so-and-so’s eyes are to die for.”   Even many of the Young Women’s leaders were making these kinds of comments.   They all laughed at my two girls as they struggled to figure out a response to this question.   They truly could not figure out my favorite actor because I NEVER talk about some guy’s re...

If you remember the movie  Princess Diaries  with Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews we see how a young girl discovers she is nobility and must learn the proper way to act in order to take over leadership in her country.  Julia Andrews, as the grandmother and queen, takes on the role of training her to become the princess she is and can become.  This is similar to a finishing school.  I remember reading the covers of the tabloids when a commoner is planning to marry nobility and they have to learn the proper etiquette and behavior.  Many, many years ago there were true finishing schools that the rich sent their daughters so they could become young ladies.  I would imagine there must have been something where the young men were taught to be gentlemen, but I don't recall that.  (How prejudicial if the requirement was only for young women to attend finishing school!) In the book,  Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage  by H. Wallace Goddard, he...

In John Gottman's book  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work  he talks about the gridlock couples might have about a perpetual problem.  He gives eight signs that a couple may examine to see if their problems are gridlocked or if they are coping with them well.  After he concludes his list Gottman then says, "The key will be to uncover and share with each other the significant personal dreams you have for your life.  I have found that unrequited dreams are at the core of every gridlocked conflict.  In other words, the endless argument symbolizes some profound difference between the two of you that needs to be addressed before you can put the problem in its place." (141) I started out then thinking about how all young girls dream of getting married to Prince Charming and living happily ever after and girls gush on about becoming a wife and mother.  I started to wonder about what young men dream about and found out that at least the ones that...

In the book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage the author Goddard quotes Kent Brooks who condemns not only the way we use weapons of war against each other, but that we also keep studying and magnifying each other's offences. "To bury our weapons of war yet continue to rebroadcast a 'widescreen' version of old battles and old wounds, complete with 'instant replay,' 'slow-motion,' and our own exaggerated form of 'special effects,' undermines the process of healing and the prospects for growth- for both spouses." How often do we come away from a disagreement with our spouse and run the scenario repeatedly in our mind thinking to ourselves, “I should have said …”   or “If I say…he will know how angry I am.” We relive this “fight” repeatedly until we have a hard time feeling repentant for the argument in the first place or for having hurt our spouse’s feelings.   By focusing on this reenactment and improving upon it in our minds we are no...

In chapter six of  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work  by John Gottman, the author talks about “bids” for each other’s attention.  He says, “real life romance is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she if valued…[this is done through] ”bids” for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support…The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away.”  These bids can be as simple as a pat on the arm or a hug when comfort is needed, or a back rub after a hard day, or looking at your spouse attentively when they talk to you.   I like the idea that Gottman shares about how every time we turn toward each other it is like putting funds into an emotional bank account, kind of like a savings bank. He also describes these bids as a snowball rolling downhill that start small and grow bigger as they continue to roll and accumulate more snow.  I figure I can use all the savings that I can get so I need...